Do you often struggle to figure out the quickest way to decrease the anxiety you are feeling? Do you want to know one thing that is effective in helping you relax? Watch this quick video to learn a quick tip that you can utilize whenever you need to ground yourself. Enjoy!
Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .
Take a moment and think to yourself how you just felt opening this post and suicide is the first word that you see.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
Did you feel this is a word you know all to well?
Did you feel the need to click off of this post?
How do youfeel?
Be mindful of that.
I’m going to be honest with you. This post may not be the easiest to read, especially due to all of the recent events, such as celebrity deaths, that are trending in regards to this topic; along with season 2 of Thirteen Reasons Why being available again on Netflix.
It is necessary to talk about suicide & if you feel triggered at any time, do not continue to read this post. You can always come back to finish it when you are ready to do so.
I want you to know it is necessary to breathe some light into this topic.
It is necessary to look it in the face and tell it you will overcome.
If you are helping someone, encourage them, by looking them in the eye and speaking to their heart that they will overcome. Have each other’s back!
Let me say it again with a twist for the people in the back:
Speak to your brain, put it in check, and tell it “I WILL OVERCOME”! Be your own hero.
Before you may feel like you can overcome, the first step is acknowledging if you or someone you know have considered suicide, what kind of thoughts you are having, and finding your courage to talk about it. That’s right your courage. Everybody has some even when they don’t think they do. YOU ARE BRAVE!
Alright are ya’ll ready for a quick fact?
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death with over 44,965 people dying by suicide each year in the United States alone. 10th may not sound as alarming as the top 3, but in my perspective one person dying by suicide is one too many. Suicide is also the 2nd leading cause of death among college students (there’s that top 3).
Let’s get a little more relatable because, numbers can be striking, but words seem to hit home more.
People have a variety of reasons why they contemplate or die by suicide.
Wait. Hold up. Pause. Did ya’ll catch that new phrase I just slipped in there? Probably not, so let me bring it back. I said, “People have a variety of reasons why they contemplate or die by suicide”. I want to take a moment and place emphasize on how we talk about suicide. One does not COMMIT suicide; they DIE BY suicide. We have to begin to change how we frame these conversations. If someone dies by suicide, yes they committed to the act, but they did not commit a crime; which is usually how that language is used.
Alrighty let’s carry on.
Suicide does not have a preference. It can introduce itself to anyone, even when it wasn’t your intention to meet it. It also doesn’t always stem from depression (leave a comment below if you are interested in a post being written about that). For those of us supporting others who are struggling (or even supporting ourselves), we have to step away from the idea that it is selfish and they must “get over” what they are dealing with. We do not know what each person goes through. It is not our right to force them to live, but rather provide them with help to gain another option. There are so many conversations happening about suicide at the moment and I do not want the conversation to end once it stops trending. Over time I plan to write more blog post about suicide prevention, but due to the first component of Always Live Lovely being to THINK, let’s start by talking about thoughts. A lot of what we experience mental health wise comes from our thoughts, the brain.
It is important to recognize what type of thoughts you or someone else is having to increase your awareness. I am an advocate for believing that self awareness is one of the major keys. Identifying these thoughts in particular can be scary. Nobody wants to look at what they consider to be the “darker” parts of themselves. Nevertheless, it is helpful to identify your truth of what you are struggling with. Name it to tame it, feel it to heal it. In order to bring in light & literally come out of the darkness, you must first be willing to be honest with yourself. It’s a choice. Once again, I get it. It hurts. It’s scary.
This is the first step towards overcoming.
There are two types of thoughts (ideations) you can have when suicide crosses your mind.
Passive Suicidal Ideation– This is when the idea/ thought crosses your mind, but you have no plan or intent to harm yourself. You can experience this frequently or occasionally. You wish to die, wonder what life would be like without you, want a break, and consider it as a possible option.
Active Suicidal Ideation– This is when you actively have set you mind on dying, have a plan of what you are going to do, and plan/will follow through with it.
Let’s take a break:
Check in with yourself for a moment.
How are you feeling?
Name that emotion out loud.
Take a deep breathe in through your nose & breathe out through your mouth.
Okay let’s proceed.
The second step is speak up about it.
Another important step is to talk to someone you trust, whether it be a family member, friend, teacher, doctor, therapist, etc. Suicide is important to talk about because, we have to be okay with talking about the topics that scare us the most if we want to see a shift happen. Remember that on the other side of fear is freedom. If we don’t talk about suicide, how will we know when someone is hurting? How will they know who is there to support them? How will you know who is there to support you? We can’t read minds people! I can’t even read minds and I’m a therapist. I know it is hard to tell this to someone. You don’t want them to freak out, you’re not sure what will happen after that, and once you say it…it makes it real. Sometimes we have to do what is required to get the necessary help that we need.
Helpers/Supports don’t be afraid to ask someone if they think about suicide. It is a myth that talking about suicide will make someone move forward with it. That person may have been wanting someone to ask them because, they couldn’t bring it up on their own. Once again, have each other’s backs.
Let’s shift the convo a little bit. Remember this post is to get the conversation started, as there will be more to come.
One way Always Live Lovely supports suicide prevention:
There are a variety of actions that can be taken towards suicide prevention. Last year, I had the opportunity to participate in the 2017 Out of the Darkness Walk created by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
This was the first walk I had ever done and fundraised for since being in the mental health field. It felt great being able to be apart of the cause and support others who have a close relationship with the topic. Prevention of suicide is a cause that is very dear to my heart. In the past couple of years my experience and understanding of this topic has drastically changed. What was once a term that seemed to be kept more “in the dark”, has become something that has begun to feel like a common occurrence and has affected those around me, including myself in some shape or form. Whether it be due to suicidal ideation or a death by suicide, this discussion has become apart of my weekly life.
I participated in last year’s walk with Team Hella Black. It is because of this experience and other experiences that followed that I decided to become a Team Captain and create my own team, Team Always Live Lovely (whose name reflects this blog), for this years Out of the Darkness Walk 2018. This year Team Always Live Lovely will fundraise, raise awareness, and be present at the event. AFSP’s goal is to reduce the suicide rate 20% by 2025.
I am gathering a group of family and friends to walk to honor those who have died by suicide, struggle, & overcome to show we are in this together. It will be a day of learning, love, support, depth, & much more.
This is only the beginning and tip of the ice berg, but definitely an amazing step towards supporting this cause. Through my experience, I have learned that it is not my job to save anyone, but to rather listen, understand, and help them find their light. Help them save themselves, if they choose to do so. Help them breathe again. Provide them with another option that may have begun to feel impossible. The option to redefine what it means to LIVE. I accept that I have no control over others actions, but I can give love. I may not can help everyone, but I sure can help someone. I hope you can too.
If you have lost someone or know someone who is struggling with suicide remember to have self compassion and do the best you can with helping them. There will always be something you wish you could have, would have, or should have done. Focus on the love. Focus on the care.
If you are struggling, you can overcome. Please seek the help of a mental health professional. I will post the link to the resource page below. You can do this! You don’t have to give up or give in. You have purpose. You can get help. Suicide does not have to be the only way to get a “break from everything”. I know you are tired and in pain. I believe you will find your light and thrive. I believe you can live abundantly.
If this is a cause that you support and want to help the foundation raise awareness, please donate if you can and share this link with others. Your donation will be 100% tax deductible and greatly appreciated. Donations will be used to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), to fund research, education, advocacy, and support for those affected by suicide.
Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .
Does it ever feel like your mind is constantly running, thinking about what might, could, would, or should happen? Do you ever feel like people will judge everything you do so you avoid doing those things? Does your palm get sweaty, breathing speeds up, and maybe you feel a little dizzy? Do you feel like you are always on edge? If any of these sound like you, you may have anxiety.
There are various kinds of anxiety. According to the DSM-5, the big book full of mental health diagnosis and information that all mental health professionals must refer to before giving anyone a diagnosis, key features of generalized anxiety are persistent and excessive worry about various domains, including work and school performance, that the individual finds difficult to control (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Anxiety can range from mild to severe and can change over time. Although, people can experience similar or the same symptoms, each persons experience may differ.
It is never any fun to have anxiety, as it can get in the way of you enjoying your day. Anxiety is one of those issues that you wish you never had that could go away with the wave of a magic wand (Bippity Boppity…yeah we all do). It is a journey to find the techniques that are right for you to cope with and decrease the anxiety that you experience. Below I share one technique that you can add to your toolbox to help you overcome anxiety.
Technique: Put your anxious thoughts in check by making them face the FACTS!!!!
Have you ever watched a detective show before where they bring the person in for questioning? There may be one or two detectives, they sit them at the table, and put the light on them. They set up the scene to let them know they mean business and question them until they get to the truth. This concept can work with anxious thoughts as well. The technique is called Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts.
Challenging your anxious thoughts requires you to:
Identify the thought.
Ask yourself some questions.
Is there evidence for my thought?
Am I making an assumption?
Has this happened before? If, so how did it turn out?
What’s the worse that could happen?
What’s the best that could happen?
What is the likeliness of this happening?
What do I already know to be true?
Can I predict the future? What would be more helpful?
What advice would a friend or loved one give me?
Replace your old thought with a new realistic thought.
Example:
“ I’m not going to the party because, I don’t know anyone there and they probably don’t want me to come anyway”
“Last time I went no one talked to me for a while, but eventually one person said hello”. “The girl who threw the party was happy that I came”. “I could go and meet a new friend”. “My classmate told me he is going so I might not be alone if I go”.
“I’m going to go to the party. If no one talks to me, I know I can talk to my classmate. I will go and have a good time”.
This technique takes practice, helps increase self-awareness, and is often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based form of therapy whose goal is to change your pattern of negative thinking or behavior into positive thinking and behavior. Be realistic when replacing your old thoughts with new ones.
Instead of jumping from:
“I am going to freeze when I present to the class and fail my final”
-Think-
“ I have presented before, I survived, I did my best”
-Versus-
“I am going to go up there with zero anxiety and the presentation will be a breeze”.
Set yourself up with realistic expectations to succeed and build upon.
A lot of times we worry so much that our mind begins to convince us that these thoughts are true. Often times they are not and what you were worried would happen, doesn’t! Let your thoughts know that you’re on to them. Locate the truth. Don’t let them steal your joy. You deserve to live in the moment!
If you felt like the information shared in this post was relatable and you have further questions, refer to the resource page here to find a therapist in your area.
Always Live Lovely,
Chetina
Helpful Resources:
If you are looking for resources to support your mental health click here.
Written: March 19, 2018
Reference
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of
Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.
***DISCLAIMER***
Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .
