How to Truly Operate Out of Self-Love

February is known to be advertised as the month of love. For some of us, we get excited about making plans with our honey’s, friend’s, and/or family member’s. There are also those of us that despise the month of February because, it reminds us about heartbreak, being single, and possibly our low self-esteem. Lastly, there is a small group of emerging individuals that have found and grown a new love within themselves that get excited because, they get to treat themselves to all the Valentine goodies. Sounds a bit over the top…well when it comes to loving oneself…it should be. 

Self-love is taught to us by society to be an act that you do to show love, care, comfort to yourself. Most times we are set to believe that our acts of self-love must include bubble baths, vacations, physical grooming, the bar, a night on the town, etc. The reality is that self-love can be the simplest act of making sure you get enough nutrients and water for the day, taking a shower, taking a deep breath through-out the day when you get overwhelmed, saying no, etc. According to Dictonary.com, self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. Wow look at how much room that leaves you to define it for yourself. Quickly ask yourself these questions:

  1. What does happiness mean to you? 
  2. What does happiness look like for you?
  3. Are you taking care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
  4. Now, name one thing you did in the last week for each of those categories.

You might notice that you were able to answer those questions quickly, with hesitation, or with enlightenment; either way you just gained some self-awareness of where you stand with self-love currently. 

Over the past couple of months, due to life experiences and providing therapy to others, it has come to my realization that it takes one very important thing/act in order to operate out of self-love. This particular thing people often say they have, but in reality aren’t actually putting it into action. People sometimes fake it until they make it. Sometimes people try really hard to have it, but something triggers them and makes it difficult. Sometimes people feel like they are going out like punks if they provide this type of acknowledgement because, they want no one or nothing to take advantage of them. By now I bet you are saying, “okay say what it is already”.

In order to truly operate out of self-love, one must practice acceptance!

Notice I said practice, rather than have acceptance. To have means to be in possession of and to practice means the act of continuing to carry something out to become better at it. Acceptance is usually a daily decision that one has to make, you may have it for a second, then you can choose to no longer have it. In order for one to fully feel freedom in acceptance they must practice it daily, choose it daily, and allow themselves to acknowledge it daily. Acceptance takes commitment. When one accepts, they are allowing themselves to be free from the burden of stress, anxiety, sadness, fear, and so forth. Each situation we have in life can require various acts of love to reach acceptance. Some acts of love you can indulge in are:

  1. Mindfulness
  2. Prayer
  3. Journaling
  4. Therapy
  5. Meditations
  6. Positive Affirmations
  7. Forgiveness

Once you begin practicing acceptance, you allow yourself to be free to move forward and create a new narrative, a new way of living. Acceptance take maintenance, so you can’t move forward with your old way of thinking. You must put a new perspective in place to have a new framework to operate out of. There is beauty in acceptance because, you hold the power to do so. It doesn’t mean certain behaviors or acts are acceptable, it doesn’t mean accepting an unhealthy habit, or anything that negatively impacts you. What it does provide you with is self-awareness and a starting point to build upon. The moment I accepted various situations in the past and present that were impacting me in a negative way, the easier life became. There’s a quote that goes, “life isn’t about what happens to you, but rather how you react”. You get to choose. 

Always Live Lovely,

                          Chetina 

Reference:

Citation. (n.d.). In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved from  

https://www.dictionary.com/browse/self-love?s=t

Helpful Resources:

Need tips on how to reach your new year goals…read this blog here.

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety… read this blog post here.

Considering going to a therapist…read this blog here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page https://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : February 18, 2020

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

How to Actually Accomplish your New Year Goals

The New Year is coming and I am sure most of you are excited about the reflection and goal setting that you are currently partaking in. You are probably thinking about the boss moves you are going to make, getting that body right, breaking generational curses, and much more. When we set new goals we feel on top of the world and ready to do anything! Our motivation is on 100 and we say “this is my year”. Let me tell you now though, this post is not for the one that knows they are going to be “all the way up” all year. This post is for someone who sets goals and doesn’t quite finish them. For the person who starts out strong then looks around and wonders where December came from. The one who is trying to become a whole new person and sets 10 plus goals. To the one that gets overwhelmed, overthinks, or anxious about their own goals…THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

            If you are anything like me, making new goals fills your spirit up with sunshine and possibility; on the flip side there is so much possibility you end up with a page full of goals. A new decade is coming up and through my journey of reflection I realized the last thing I want to do at the end of it, is look back and feel like I am exactly where I was in certain areas years ago. As I began to look at my system of how I choose my goals, I realized there is nothing wrong with desiring growth; but as with everything it is “not what you do, but how you do it”. 

            Society teaches us that we have to rush, set deadlines, compare ourselves, or we will get left behind. I am here to tell you the lie detector determined “THAT WAS A LIE”! The only person you need to compare yourself to is the you of yesterday. Contrary to popular belief, surprise surprise, you will feel less anxious not living on a timeline.  So here are a few tips on how to make your goals more manageable so that you accomplish more.

  • Chunk them down into categories:

Pick categories that are important to you to focus on this year. One approach may be mind, body, soul and another may be family, career, and finances. Mix and match how you so please.

  • Choose 1 to 3 major goals per category:

As previously stated, we sometimes get carried away because we want to be the best we can be. Know that is okay to take it one step at a time. By doing this you are likely to accomplish more, rather than making a million changes at one. Choose 1 to 3 main goals per category and try working towards 1 in each category before moving to the next. If you have more than 3 categories I would suggest picking 1 main goal per category. You can always add another when you are done with that one.

  • Utilize vision boards: 

You have to see it to believe it right?! Vision boards come in handy to help you see your goals and serve as a reminder of what your life will look like or consist of. Put it in a space where you can look at it daily. 

  • Write it down and Speak it daily:

There is power in the tongue, do you hear me?! You have the ability to speak abundance, growth, and positivity over your life. Write it down and make it plain. Take the extra step to speak the change, business, money, love, etc. you seek in your life. There will come a time when you feel discouraged, but have faith, and keep using your power to speak against those thoughts. 

  • Give yourself grace:

Rome wasn’t buit in a day. Time is not guaranteed, but I am sure you would rather complete one goal, than have 5 unfinished ones because you got overwhelmed. Work at each goal until you feel it is concrete or you are satisfied before moving to the other one. If it takes longer to accomplish a goal than expected that is okay. Most times we are our own worst critics. Life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Don’t tire yourself out by utilizing all of your energy in the first quarter. Pace yourself and you will get there. 

My biggest hope for you is that at the end of your life, not just the end of the New Year, you can look back and feel that you were the person you were meant to be. That you are proud of yourself and that you accomplished what you set out to do. There is no need to rush through your goals or hit them all in one round. Life is all about growing and learning, therefore you will always find a way to create a new goal. As long as you are making progress each day that is what truly matters.

Always Live Lovely,

                         Chetina 

Helpful Resources:

Starting a new job this year…read this blog post here.

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety read this blog post here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page https://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : December 28, 2019

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

How to Remain Balanced (when starting a new job)

Starting a new job can be exciting, a new beginning, represent possibilities, and increase your money bag. It can also cause anxiety, bring insecurities to the surface, increase stress, and be challenging. One thing that we often struggle with when adding something new to our schedule is finding balance. You may not be great at organizing your time daily or maybe you are an expert, either way everyone can benefit from a few extra tips. Here’s a few ways that I have been able to successfully maintain balance in my life while starting a new job.

First and foremost, I am super organized. I enjoy making list, having multiple planners, vision boards, you name it! Nevertheless, let me be honest and confess that even the most organized person can have difficulties juggling all of the demands of life. When starting something new we often want everything to run smoothly and can have trouble with accepting that it may take a moment to find our new groove. Your new job may be similar to work you have done before or consist of new task you haven’t embarked on yet. One thing I have learned for sure is that as long as you work towards keeping things balanced in your life…things will continue to level out.

While things are leveling out…level up by using these tips daily.

  • Get organized

Getting into the habit of creating a to do list when you first arrive at work can help keep you on task. Try to only put on there what is most important and then you can make a section for what to do if you have extra time. This will help with not over doing it, to where you have too many task. The goal is to feel balanced, not overwhelmed. Keeping a clean work space can help you to feel less scatter brained. You can see where everything is that you need to get things done. I have also found having a planner dedicated to work has been extremely helpful. You can keep track of important appointments, meetings, hours, and even put your to do list in there.

  • Mindfulness

This tip has been a life saver! If you tend to get overwhelmed by thinking about the busy week you have ahead of yourself, you will find yourself drained before you even started. Try this: when you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, pause, and bring your attention back into the here and now. Acknowledged what is important that needs to be done and then bring your focus to the task at hand. Remind yourself that you will have time to focus on the next task after you finish the current one. Give yourself permission to do the best you can and know if you don’t finish your whole list, there is always tomorrow. Bringing your attention to the present moment not only decreases stress, but increase your productivity and enjoyment.

  • Spirituality

Having a relationship with a higher being (mine being GOD) can bring you inner peace. When you know that you don’t have to carry everything alone and you have someone that has your best interest at heart, it makes the journey more bearable. You begin to practice serenity, figuring out what you can and cannot control, as well as areas where you can make a difference. Having a relationship with God that consists of constant communication has added to my daily strength, increased my faith, and provided fulfillment in walking in my purpose. Spirituality can also consist of the journey of self; another way that I find balance within my spirit is through yoga and meditation (more to come in a future post). The point here is to find what works for you.

  • Accept help where needed

Allow others to help you. Give yourself a break. Trust that others can get the job done just as well as you can. Sometimes this can be hard because, we may have only depended on ourselves to get task done the correct way. Allow someone to have your back. This is especially helpful when you are learning a new job and may not know all the twists and turns yet. Give yourself some compassion and ask for help. It is okay. A lot of times teamwork makes the dream work.

  • Work hard to play harder

So you work a full-time job and of course that equates to needing rest. It can also equate to deserving time to have fun and spend time with people you love. Aim to give your all during the days that you work, so that you can fully enjoy your off days. The last thing you want is for work task to roll over to time that is designated to the turn up. You feel me?! Be mindful of how much you can handle, but do your best. It always feels great to reap the fruit of your labor.

I hope you find these tips to be helpful. If you are starting a new job congratulations! If have already been at your job, but want to decrease your stress and find more balance give these a try. Being a young adult comes with a lot of new beginnings, as you are just getting your life started. Find your groove and roll with it!

Always Live Lovely,

                                          Chetina

Written: September 2, 2018

Helpful Resources:

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety read this blog post here.

If you are looking for resources to support your mental health click here.

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .