Tag: alwayslivelovely

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What Setting Boundaries has Taught Me as a Therapist

Having boundaries are hard!

Setting boundaries are hard!

Shoot, thinking about boundaries are hard!

Yes, I am a therapist, but no I am not an expert on boundaries. I can help you effectively set them, but also I can be honest that it takes a lot of energy and dedication. 

When you choose to set boundaries, things do not magically fall into place. You don’t tell someone to not do something, then expect them to respect it, and move on. Most times you will constantly have to remind others about the boundaries you are setting. 

You have to get yourself in alignment to ensure that you are not being passive-aggressive, but confident in your needs. You must identify a bigger goal that you have to serve as your why for choosing this boundary in the first place. 

Setting a boundary comes with moving different.

How can you expect someone else to treat you different, if you move the same. 

Basically what I am tell you is what I have learned setting my own boundaries as a therapist is that not only does boundaries need to be set for others around you, but also for yourself. 

You are the only one that can ensure that your boundary is being respected, but you have to hold yourself accountable to change you habits/actions as well to get real results. 

Are you ready for that? 

Everything is not always the blame game, when the thumb is pointing back at you as well. 

I always encourage people to be honest with themselves first.

The truth is when you begin to set your boundary, you are going to get a lot of push back from the people you are setting them with. Why? It will no longer benefit them. If something doesn’t benefit you anymore, you might be upset too!

Once you are challenged, you must be confident within yourself of your ability or ability to try and build your own tolerance needed to hold to that boundary. To do something new.

Once you are truly ready to push yourself to do that, then you can effectively set boundaries. 

Always Live Lovely,

Chetina

Helpful Resources:

To listen to the podcast click here; for video click here.

Learn how to be honest about your feelings here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page http://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : February 1, 2022

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

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Remaining Calm While the World is in Chaos

            This year has truly hit us all with some unexpected chaos. On top of the personal day-to-day experiences we have, as a collective we have experienced celebrity deaths, pre-elections, government decisions that impact your life, the Coronavirus, and so much more. The chaos can sometimes make you feel like the resolutions and joy you felt entering into the new year was long ago. You may feel like this year was worse than 2019 or for some you may feel it is better; either way you feel something. There are a lot of us that are living daily in fear, panic, and anxiety. We don’t even know when it is a good time to go to the store anymore because, a lot of people fear they will be without, so they bulk buy. When we are in a state of fear, we are unable to have logical thinking, and we act out of fight or flight response. 

The truth is, we are currently in a state of global crisis! 

Although, the world may be shutting down, that doesn’t mean you have to as well. 

              The reality of most situations is that there is only so much of it that is truly in our control and much more that is out of our control. That can be really scary to come to grips with. There is hope though, because although you may not have all control, you do have power. You have the power to choose how you respond. You get to choose if to live in a state of peace or panic. You get to choose how much news you listen to daily. You get to choose what you consume on social media. You get to choose if you will get angry when you notice the store is out of toilet paper. 

                 One thing that usually happens when the world is in chaos around you, is that you can loose your footing. You begin to drift away with anxious thoughts. You are no longer grounded. Hold on though, there is a gift that most of us have access too (I say most because I am aware some people may have compromises due to health difficulties). That gift is something we do daily on our own; we just don’t pay much attention to it or provide enough gratitude. We often go about our day actually not thinking much of it because, it happens automatically. Keep reading to find out what that gift is.

I would like to offer you one suggestion on how to remain calm when the world is in chaos. 

Use your breath as an anchor!

Yes, breathing is a gift that you were born with, that if utilized to its fullest potential has the ability to calm your nervous system. Help yourself remain grounded by taking deep breaths. Breathing deeply causes you to slow down and reorient yourself. You can think more clearly and react differently. The best part is that it doesn’t cost you a thing. Can somebody say “FREE SELF-CARE!”. Give yourself the opportunity to just be for a moment! There is a lot changing day-by-day, but you don’t have to get swept up in the chaos. Acknowledge all that is going on, ground yourself, and go forth from there. 

Leave me a comment below and let me know if this was easy to do, what made it difficult, and if it made a difference for you. We can survive this!

Psalms 91

Always Live Lovely,

                          Chetina 

Helpful Resources:

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety… read this blog post here.

Considering going to a therapist…read this blog here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page http://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : March 15, 2020

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

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How to Remain Balanced (when starting a new job)

Starting a new job can be exciting, a new beginning, represent possibilities, and increase your money bag. It can also cause anxiety, bring insecurities to the surface, increase stress, and be challenging. One thing that we often struggle with when adding something new to our schedule is finding balance. You may not be great at organizing your time daily or maybe you are an expert, either way everyone can benefit from a few extra tips. Here’s a few ways that I have been able to successfully maintain balance in my life while starting a new job.

First and foremost, I am super organized. I enjoy making list, having multiple planners, vision boards, you name it! Nevertheless, let me be honest and confess that even the most organized person can have difficulties juggling all of the demands of life. When starting something new we often want everything to run smoothly and can have trouble with accepting that it may take a moment to find our new groove. Your new job may be similar to work you have done before or consist of new task you haven’t embarked on yet. One thing I have learned for sure is that as long as you work towards keeping things balanced in your life…things will continue to level out.

While things are leveling out…level up by using these tips daily.

  • Get organized

Getting into the habit of creating a to do list when you first arrive at work can help keep you on task. Try to only put on there what is most important and then you can make a section for what to do if you have extra time. This will help with not over doing it, to where you have too many task. The goal is to feel balanced, not overwhelmed. Keeping a clean work space can help you to feel less scatter brained. You can see where everything is that you need to get things done. I have also found having a planner dedicated to work has been extremely helpful. You can keep track of important appointments, meetings, hours, and even put your to do list in there.

  • Mindfulness

This tip has been a life saver! If you tend to get overwhelmed by thinking about the busy week you have ahead of yourself, you will find yourself drained before you even started. Try this: when you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, pause, and bring your attention back into the here and now. Acknowledged what is important that needs to be done and then bring your focus to the task at hand. Remind yourself that you will have time to focus on the next task after you finish the current one. Give yourself permission to do the best you can and know if you don’t finish your whole list, there is always tomorrow. Bringing your attention to the present moment not only decreases stress, but increase your productivity and enjoyment.

  • Spirituality

Having a relationship with a higher being (mine being GOD) can bring you inner peace. When you know that you don’t have to carry everything alone and you have someone that has your best interest at heart, it makes the journey more bearable. You begin to practice serenity, figuring out what you can and cannot control, as well as areas where you can make a difference. Having a relationship with God that consists of constant communication has added to my daily strength, increased my faith, and provided fulfillment in walking in my purpose. Spirituality can also consist of the journey of self; another way that I find balance within my spirit is through yoga and meditation (more to come in a future post). The point here is to find what works for you.

  • Accept help where needed

Allow others to help you. Give yourself a break. Trust that others can get the job done just as well as you can. Sometimes this can be hard because, we may have only depended on ourselves to get task done the correct way. Allow someone to have your back. This is especially helpful when you are learning a new job and may not know all the twists and turns yet. Give yourself some compassion and ask for help. It is okay. A lot of times teamwork makes the dream work.

  • Work hard to play harder

So you work a full-time job and of course that equates to needing rest. It can also equate to deserving time to have fun and spend time with people you love. Aim to give your all during the days that you work, so that you can fully enjoy your off days. The last thing you want is for work task to roll over to time that is designated to the turn up. You feel me?! Be mindful of how much you can handle, but do your best. It always feels great to reap the fruit of your labor.

I hope you find these tips to be helpful. If you are starting a new job congratulations! If have already been at your job, but want to decrease your stress and find more balance give these a try. Being a young adult comes with a lot of new beginnings, as you are just getting your life started. Find your groove and roll with it!

Always Live Lovely,

                                          Chetina

Written: September 2, 2018

Helpful Resources:

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety read this blog post here.

If you are looking for resources to support your mental health click here.

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .