Tag: goal setting

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What Setting Boundaries has Taught Me as a Therapist

Having boundaries are hard!

Setting boundaries are hard!

Shoot, thinking about boundaries are hard!

Yes, I am a therapist, but no I am not an expert on boundaries. I can help you effectively set them, but also I can be honest that it takes a lot of energy and dedication. 

When you choose to set boundaries, things do not magically fall into place. You don’t tell someone to not do something, then expect them to respect it, and move on. Most times you will constantly have to remind others about the boundaries you are setting. 

You have to get yourself in alignment to ensure that you are not being passive-aggressive, but confident in your needs. You must identify a bigger goal that you have to serve as your why for choosing this boundary in the first place. 

Setting a boundary comes with moving different.

How can you expect someone else to treat you different, if you move the same. 

Basically what I am tell you is what I have learned setting my own boundaries as a therapist is that not only does boundaries need to be set for others around you, but also for yourself. 

You are the only one that can ensure that your boundary is being respected, but you have to hold yourself accountable to change you habits/actions as well to get real results. 

Are you ready for that? 

Everything is not always the blame game, when the thumb is pointing back at you as well. 

I always encourage people to be honest with themselves first.

The truth is when you begin to set your boundary, you are going to get a lot of push back from the people you are setting them with. Why? It will no longer benefit them. If something doesn’t benefit you anymore, you might be upset too!

Once you are challenged, you must be confident within yourself of your ability or ability to try and build your own tolerance needed to hold to that boundary. To do something new.

Once you are truly ready to push yourself to do that, then you can effectively set boundaries. 

Always Live Lovely,

Chetina

Helpful Resources:

To listen to the podcast click here; for video click here.

Learn how to be honest about your feelings here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page http://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : February 1, 2022

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

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How to Actually Accomplish your New Year Goals

The New Year is coming and I am sure most of you are excited about the reflection and goal setting that you are currently partaking in. You are probably thinking about the boss moves you are going to make, getting that body right, breaking generational curses, and much more. When we set new goals we feel on top of the world and ready to do anything! Our motivation is on 100 and we say “this is my year”. Let me tell you now though, this post is not for the one that knows they are going to be “all the way up” all year. This post is for someone who sets goals and doesn’t quite finish them. For the person who starts out strong then looks around and wonders where December came from. The one who is trying to become a whole new person and sets 10 plus goals. To the one that gets overwhelmed, overthinks, or anxious about their own goals…THIS ONE IS FOR YOU!

            If you are anything like me, making new goals fills your spirit up with sunshine and possibility; on the flip side there is so much possibility you end up with a page full of goals. A new decade is coming up and through my journey of reflection I realized the last thing I want to do at the end of it, is look back and feel like I am exactly where I was in certain areas years ago. As I began to look at my system of how I choose my goals, I realized there is nothing wrong with desiring growth; but as with everything it is “not what you do, but how you do it”. 

            Society teaches us that we have to rush, set deadlines, compare ourselves, or we will get left behind. I am here to tell you the lie detector determined “THAT WAS A LIE”! The only person you need to compare yourself to is the you of yesterday. Contrary to popular belief, surprise surprise, you will feel less anxious not living on a timeline.  So here are a few tips on how to make your goals more manageable so that you accomplish more.

  • Chunk them down into categories:

Pick categories that are important to you to focus on this year. One approach may be mind, body, soul and another may be family, career, and finances. Mix and match how you so please.

  • Choose 1 to 3 major goals per category:

As previously stated, we sometimes get carried away because we want to be the best we can be. Know that is okay to take it one step at a time. By doing this you are likely to accomplish more, rather than making a million changes at one. Choose 1 to 3 main goals per category and try working towards 1 in each category before moving to the next. If you have more than 3 categories I would suggest picking 1 main goal per category. You can always add another when you are done with that one.

  • Utilize vision boards: 

You have to see it to believe it right?! Vision boards come in handy to help you see your goals and serve as a reminder of what your life will look like or consist of. Put it in a space where you can look at it daily. 

  • Write it down and Speak it daily:

There is power in the tongue, do you hear me?! You have the ability to speak abundance, growth, and positivity over your life. Write it down and make it plain. Take the extra step to speak the change, business, money, love, etc. you seek in your life. There will come a time when you feel discouraged, but have faith, and keep using your power to speak against those thoughts. 

  • Give yourself grace:

Rome wasn’t buit in a day. Time is not guaranteed, but I am sure you would rather complete one goal, than have 5 unfinished ones because you got overwhelmed. Work at each goal until you feel it is concrete or you are satisfied before moving to the other one. If it takes longer to accomplish a goal than expected that is okay. Most times we are our own worst critics. Life is not a sprint, but a marathon. Don’t tire yourself out by utilizing all of your energy in the first quarter. Pace yourself and you will get there. 

My biggest hope for you is that at the end of your life, not just the end of the New Year, you can look back and feel that you were the person you were meant to be. That you are proud of yourself and that you accomplished what you set out to do. There is no need to rush through your goals or hit them all in one round. Life is all about growing and learning, therefore you will always find a way to create a new goal. As long as you are making progress each day that is what truly matters.

Always Live Lovely,

                         Chetina 

Helpful Resources:

Starting a new job this year…read this blog post here.

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety read this blog post here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page http://alwayslivelovely.com/resources/ .

Written : December 28, 2019

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .