How to Truly Operate Out of Self-Love

February is known to be advertised as the month of love. For some of us, we get excited about making plans with our honey’s, friend’s, and/or family member’s. There are also those of us that despise the month of February because, it reminds us about heartbreak, being single, and possibly our low self-esteem. Lastly, there is a small group of emerging individuals that have found and grown a new love within themselves that get excited because, they get to treat themselves to all the Valentine goodies. Sounds a bit over the top…well when it comes to loving oneself…it should be. 

Self-love is taught to us by society to be an act that you do to show love, care, comfort to yourself. Most times we are set to believe that our acts of self-love must include bubble baths, vacations, physical grooming, the bar, a night on the town, etc. The reality is that self-love can be the simplest act of making sure you get enough nutrients and water for the day, taking a shower, taking a deep breath through-out the day when you get overwhelmed, saying no, etc. According to, self-love is “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. Wow look at how much room that leaves you to define it for yourself. Quickly ask yourself these questions:

  1. What does happiness mean to you? 
  2. What does happiness look like for you?
  3. Are you taking care of yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
  4. Now, name one thing you did in the last week for each of those categories.

You might notice that you were able to answer those questions quickly, with hesitation, or with enlightenment; either way you just gained some self-awareness of where you stand with self-love currently. 

Over the past couple of months, due to life experiences and providing therapy to others, it has come to my realization that it takes one very important thing/act in order to operate out of self-love. This particular thing people often say they have, but in reality aren’t actually putting it into action. People sometimes fake it until they make it. Sometimes people try really hard to have it, but something triggers them and makes it difficult. Sometimes people feel like they are going out like punks if they provide this type of acknowledgement because, they want no one or nothing to take advantage of them. By now I bet you are saying, “okay say what it is already”.

In order to truly operate out of self-love, one must practice acceptance!

Notice I said practice, rather than have acceptance. To have means to be in possession of and to practice means the act of continuing to carry something out to become better at it. Acceptance is usually a daily decision that one has to make, you may have it for a second, then you can choose to no longer have it. In order for one to fully feel freedom in acceptance they must practice it daily, choose it daily, and allow themselves to acknowledge it daily. Acceptance takes commitment. When one accepts, they are allowing themselves to be free from the burden of stress, anxiety, sadness, fear, and so forth. Each situation we have in life can require various acts of love to reach acceptance. Some acts of love you can indulge in are:

  1. Mindfulness
  2. Prayer
  3. Journaling
  4. Therapy
  5. Meditations
  6. Positive Affirmations
  7. Forgiveness

Once you begin practicing acceptance, you allow yourself to be free to move forward and create a new narrative, a new way of living. Acceptance take maintenance, so you can’t move forward with your old way of thinking. You must put a new perspective in place to have a new framework to operate out of. There is beauty in acceptance because, you hold the power to do so. It doesn’t mean certain behaviors or acts are acceptable, it doesn’t mean accepting an unhealthy habit, or anything that negatively impacts you. What it does provide you with is self-awareness and a starting point to build upon. The moment I accepted various situations in the past and present that were impacting me in a negative way, the easier life became. There’s a quote that goes, “life isn’t about what happens to you, but rather how you react”. You get to choose. 

Always Live Lovely,



Citation. (n.d.). In dictionary. Retrieved from

Helpful Resources:

Need tips on how to reach your new year goals…read this blog here.

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety… read this blog post here.

Considering going to a therapist…read this blog here.

For more information about finding a therapist in your area refer to the resource page .

Written : February 18, 2020


Although I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information .