How to Remain Balanced (when starting a new job)

Starting a new job can be exciting, a new beginning, represent possibilities, and increase your money bag. It can also cause anxiety, bring insecurities to the surface, increase stress, and be challenging. One thing that we often struggle with when adding something new to our schedule is finding balance. You may not be great at organizing your time daily or maybe you are an expert, either way everyone can benefit from a few extra tips. Here’s a few ways that I have been able to successfully maintain balance in my life while starting a new job.

First and foremost, I am super organized. I enjoy making list, having multiple planners, vision boards, you name it! Nevertheless, let me be honest and confess that even the most organized person can have difficulties juggling all of the demands of life. When starting something new we often want everything to run smoothly and can have trouble with accepting that it may take a moment to find our new groove. Your new job may be similar to work you have done before or consist of new task you haven’t embarked on yet. One thing I have learned for sure is that as long as you work towards keeping things balanced in your life…things will continue to level out.

While things are leveling out…level up by using these tips daily.

  • Get organized

Getting into the habit of creating a to do list when you first arrive at work can help keep you on task. Try to only put on there what is most important and then you can make a section for what to do if you have extra time. This will help with not over doing it, to where you have too many task. The goal is to feel balanced, not overwhelmed. Keeping a clean work space can help you to feel less scatter brained. You can see where everything is that you need to get things done. I have also found having a planner dedicated to work has been extremely helpful. You can keep track of important appointments, meetings, hours, and even put your to do list in there.

  • Mindfulness

This tip has been a life saver! If you tend to get overwhelmed by thinking about the busy week you have ahead of yourself, you will find yourself drained before you even started. Try this: when you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, pause, and bring your attention back into the here and now. Acknowledged what is important that needs to be done and then bring your focus to the task at hand. Remind yourself that you will have time to focus on the next task after you finish the current one. Give yourself permission to do the best you can and know if you don’t finish your whole list, there is always tomorrow. Bringing your attention to the present moment not only decreases stress, but increase your productivity and enjoyment.

  • Spirituality

Having a relationship with a higher being (mine being GOD) can bring you inner peace. When you know that you don’t have to carry everything alone and you have someone that has your best interest at heart, it makes the journey more bearable. You begin to practice serenity, figuring out what you can and cannot control, as well as areas where you can make a difference. Having a relationship with God that consists of constant communication has added to my daily strength, increased my faith, and provided fulfillment in walking in my purpose. Spirituality can also consist of the journey of self; another way that I find balance within my spirit is through yoga and meditation (more to come in a future post). The point here is to find what works for you.

  • Accept help where needed

Allow others to help you. Give yourself a break. Trust that others can get the job done just as well as you can. Sometimes this can be hard because, we may have only depended on ourselves to get task done the correct way. Allow someone to have your back. This is especially helpful when you are learning a new job and may not know all the twists and turns yet. Give yourself some compassion and ask for help. It is okay. A lot of times teamwork makes the dream work.

  • Work hard to play harder

So you work a full-time job and of course that equates to needing rest. It can also equate to deserving time to have fun and spend time with people you love. Aim to give your all during the days that you work, so that you can fully enjoy your off days. The last thing you want is for work task to roll over to time that is designated to the turn up. You feel me?! Be mindful of how much you can handle, but do your best. It always feels great to reap the fruit of your labor.

I hope you find these tips to be helpful. If you are starting a new job congratulations! If have already been at your job, but want to decrease your stress and find more balance give these a try. Being a young adult comes with a lot of new beginnings, as you are just getting your life started. Find your groove and roll with it!

Always Live Lovely,

                                          Chetina

Written: September 2, 2018

Helpful Resources:

For a technique on how to overcome anxiety read this blog post here.

If you are looking for resources to support your mental health click here.

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

Book Review: KeKe Palmer’s “I Don’t Belong To You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice”

THIS POST IS NOT SPONSORED. THERE ARE NO SPOILERS BELOW.

Reading opens the gates to one’s imagination and provides an opportunity to connect with others’ stories. Recently, within the last year, I had the opportunity to read KeKe Palmer’s book,I Don’t Belong to You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice”. I was super excited, as I always say that we have similar insights. Palmer is an award-winning actress and singer. She was also the first African-American to play Cinderella on Broadway and the youngest to have her own Talk Show on BET. From the very beginning the book opens with A Letter from KeKe and I couldn’t wait to turn the page. One component that captured my attention was the graphics. I truly enjoy a good quote and so does KeKe! This book is filled with colors, visual references, and motivational quotes to help inspire you along her journey. She also adds emoji’s, which makes it feel like she is having a conversation with you through text.

In this book, Palmer addresses a variety of topics such as mental health issues, childhood fame, relationships, friendships, career decisions, self care, and overcoming to name a few. She uses catchy and relatable titles such as, With My Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind and Hold the Phone. One chapter title to highlight is the #GrowingNotGrown; which is the very last chapter. As we grow up, we are to believe that once we turn 18 and then 21 we are GROWN. Technically we are, but once we get there a lot of the times we either don’t feel that way, wish we could go back to being a child, or wish we could for once be a child because we didn’t get the chance to truly be one (WELL).

Grown is essentially the relative term for the popular term called ADULTING. Adulting is a verb and the act of doing adult things. To be an adult takes a constant effort filled with experiences, decisions, and responsibility. Anyone can turn a particular age, but what does being an adult truly mean? That is up to you to define (maybe I will do a post about that soon; leave a comment below saying #yasssss if you’re interested). Anyhow, one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself while becoming a young adult is to embrace the fact that no one is a pro and we are all trying to figure it out (BOOM, yeah I said it, *drops mic*). We are all…GROWING. KeKe discusses this by talking finding purpose, being humble, giving back to her community, acceptance, and finding balance.

As a young adult, you may get to a period in your life where you are frustrated because, you want to feel what it is like to be free to be authentically yourself. You can’t truly define who you are and tap into your inner voice if everyone and everything is in your ear and head. Going inward can be new and sometimes even scary, but getting to know YOU can be one of the best decisions you ever make. KeKe did a great job with speaking her truth; she learned that no one can do that for you, but you. When I think of the title I Don’t Belong to You”, it brings up for me the idea that you don’t have to belong to other’s perceptions of you.

You don’t have to belong to other’s dreams for you. You don’t have to belong to your past mistakes, challenges, pain, & disappointment. You don’t have to belong to social media likes and comments. You don’t have to belong to that major that you want to change. You don’t have to belong to the idea that what you choose to do right now will be what you have to do for the rest of your life. You don’t have to belong to debt. You don’t have to belong to labels. You don’t have to belong to what ever is holding you back and keeping you from becoming the young woman and man you dream of being.

MATTER OF FACT…LET’S DO A QUICK MINDFULNESS ACTIVITY:

Take a moment. Close your eyes. Breathe in deeply through your nose and out slowly through your mouth. Be still for a few moments. What did you want to be when you were growing up? What is your dream job? What talent’s and skill’s do you hold? Can you see yourself doing what you love? Do you see yourself dressed for success? What qualities do you have? Who are you as a person? Who and what is apart of your life? If you can envision yourself living a life you dream of…you can accomplish it! Take another deep breathe in, exhale, and go make it happen.

Palmer’s approach to writing this book was unique and refreshing. It was very clear that although this book is a memoir, she wanted to be sure that her readers could relate and connect with her. I Don’t Belong to You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice”, is a great representation of what it means to Always Live Lovely. KeKe found a way to elevate her thinking to help herself aspire to new levels to be her best self. This book was a fun read and I recommend it to youth and young adults. I often found myself highlighting sentences and writing “YASSS KEKE” in the sidelines. KeKe Palmer, is a wonderful young woman who truly embraces every part of her journey and who she is. She uses her voice and platform to spread the messages she feels supports millennials. She lives a life that flows and is all her own, doing what works for her. Showing up for herself, celebrating the highs, and having self compassion during the lows.

KeKe recently did an interview on the Breakfast Club, which is a popular radio show based in New York hosted by Charlamagne tha God, Angela Yee, and DJ Envy. She speaks on topics such as depression, anxiety, social media, sexual assault, compassion, adult children relationship with their parents, using your voice, going to therapy, and more. Some of the topics are similar to what comes up in her book. Watch it here.

Please be aware some parts of the interview may be triggering to hear. If at any point you are triggered take a break, breathe deeply, check in with how you feel. There are resources here that offer mental health support.

Always Live Lovely,

                                           Chetina

Written: April 22, 2018

Reference:

Palmer, K. (2017). I Don’t Belong to You: Quiet the Noise and Find Your Voice. New

York, NY: North Star Way.

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .

1 Technique to Help You Overcome Anxiety

Does it ever feel like your mind is constantly running, thinking about what might, could, would, or should happen? Do you ever feel like people will judge everything you do so you avoid doing those things? Does your palm get sweaty, breathing speeds up, and maybe you feel a little dizzy? Do you feel like you are always on edge? If any of these sound like you, you may have anxiety.

There are various kinds of anxiety. According to the DSM-5, the big book full of mental health diagnosis and information that all mental health professionals must refer to before giving anyone a diagnosis, key features of generalized anxiety are persistent and excessive worry about various domains, including work and school performance, that the individual finds difficult to control (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Anxiety can range from mild to severe and can change over time. Although, people can experience similar or the same symptoms, each persons experience may differ.

It is never any fun to have anxiety, as it can get in the way of you enjoying your day. Anxiety is one of those issues that you wish you never had that could go away with the wave of a magic wand (Bippity Boppity…yeah we all do). It is a journey to find the techniques that are right for you to cope with and decrease the anxiety that you experience. Below I share one technique that you can add to your toolbox to help you overcome anxiety.

Technique: Put your anxious thoughts in check by making them face the FACTS!!!!

Have you ever watched a detective show before where they bring the person in for questioning? There may be one or two detectives, they sit them at the table, and put the light on them. They set up the scene to let them know they mean business and question them until they get to the truth. This concept can work with anxious thoughts as well. The technique is called Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts.

Challenging your anxious thoughts requires you to:

  1. Identify the thought.
  2. Ask yourself some questions.
    1. Is there evidence for my thought?
    2. Am I making an assumption?
    3. Has this happened before? If, so how did it turn out?
    4. What’s the worse that could happen?
    5. What’s the best that could happen?
    6. What is the likeliness of this happening?
    7. What do I already know to be true?
    8. Can I predict the future? What would be more helpful?
    9. What advice would a friend or loved one give me?
  3. Replace your old thought with a new realistic thought.

Example:

  1. “ I’m not going to the party because, I don’t know anyone there and they probably don’t want me to come anyway”
  2. “Last time I went no one talked to me for a while, but eventually one person said hello”. “The girl who threw the party was happy that I came”. “I could go and meet a new friend”. “My classmate told me he is going so I might not be alone if I go”.
  3. “I’m going to go to the party. If no one talks to me, I know I can talk to my classmate. I will go and have a good time”.

This technique takes practice, helps increase self-awareness, and is often used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based form of therapy whose goal is to change your pattern of negative thinking or behavior into positive thinking and behavior. Be realistic when replacing your old thoughts with new ones.

Instead of jumping from:

“I am going to freeze when I present to the class and fail my final”

-Think-

“ I have presented before, I survived, I did my best”

-Versus-

“I am going to go up there with zero anxiety and the presentation will be a breeze”.

Set yourself up with realistic expectations to succeed and build upon.

A lot of times we worry so much that our mind begins to convince us that these thoughts are true. Often times they are not and what you were worried would happen, doesn’t! Let your thoughts know that you’re on to them. Locate the truth. Don’t let them steal your joy. You deserve to live in the moment!

If you felt like the information shared in this post was relatable and you have further questions, refer to the resource page here to find a therapist in your area.

Always Live Lovely,

Chetina

Helpful Resources:

If you are looking for resources to support your mental health click here.

Written: March 19, 2018

Reference

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of

Mental Disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.

***DISCLAIMER***

Although I am a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and registered associate professional clinical counselor, the contents on this blog are provided for informational purposes only and should not be used to replace the specialized training and judgment of a health care or mental health professional. There is no Therapist-Client relationship created by accessing the information on this blog. Always seek the help of a physician or qualified mental health professional if you have any questions regarding a medical or mental health condition. Always Live Lovely is not held responsible for the use of the information provided. Reliance on any of the information provided by this blog only is solely at your own risk. Please see Health Disclaimer for further information alwayslivelovely.com/health-disclaimer/ .